Forget BNP. Vote FDP !

Are you tired of greedy MPs taking the taxpayer's money when it isn't rightfully theirs ?

Are you tired about the unkept promises by our Government ?

Are you tired by our financial problems that are compounded by idiots like Fred Goodwin getting massive pensions ?


If you are, you should join The Fancy Dress Party, a party that is growing in popularity by the day. Only last week, we beat the Christmas Party in a by-election.



If you think the amount of unemployed people in this country is ridiculous, then we will sort it. Our Home Secretary, Dick Tator, has had a fantastic idea in that we will write the figures of the unemployed in invisible ink. Thus, no-one will be unemployed.

I admit, there has been a lot of controversy lately over our DNA being stored by the Government. To solve this issue, Jean Poole, our Health Minister, has devised a plan that only criminals will have their DNA stored.

No pensioner will ever be cold, according to Luke Warm, our Housing Minister. Free heating will be supplied to every person over the age of 60. All the images of OAPs freezing in their homes will never be seen again if you voted us into power.

Ever think that the children of today aren't as clever as the kids a few generations back ? Education Minister Noah Lott will solve this with a new type of education that will test the brains of your young ones so much they will put Japanese youngsters to shame.

There is certainly no doubt that many people nowadays aren't getting enough fruit and vegetables that we used to. Sal Monella, our Minister dedicated to solving our obesity crisis, believes that shutting down all fast-food restaurants will ave our country in tip-top shape in no time at all.


Impressive, eh ?


The Fancy Dress Party will succeed where Messrs Brown, Blair and Major have all failed. We won't have a democracy, erm, I mean, WILL have one, but we will have policies that no other Government has ever thought of.

I think it is a bit harsh saying that we will have assassinated all the leaders of rival parties, but I have a feeling in my bones that they will be going on holiday. . . to Outer Mongolia.


So, come June 4th, you WILL vote for us. To be honest, you don't have much choice. If you fail to vote for us, we'll do a Mugabe and have your whole family exterminated.

VOTE FDP !!!

Wenger's Young Troops Run Amok !

It is no surprise that Arsenal are struggling to keep up with the likes of Manchester United and Liverpool in the Premiership this season - the kids are running riot.

With Arsene Wenger lacking the ability to discipline his young charges if they misbehave, it is no surprise that they are languishing in 4th place.

Just last Friday, for example, many of the team were watching Tracy Beaker on the television when Wenger wanted them to be doing training in preparation for the game against Manchester United. Some players, believe it or not, were even reading the Beano instead of practicing tactics.

Arsene Wenger is reportedly furious with the player's poor behaviour.
"I've tried everything from stopping their pocket money to making them wash the dishes, but nothing seems to work. I think it is time for Super Nanny!"

Revenge From Piggy !

After my post with the corny jokes about Swine Flu, I think it would be fair to say that the pigs in the country weren't too pleased. They threw eggs off my house, I was ambushed coming home from school, and every move of mine was watched.

One even decided to ring me up, with the conversation going something like this:

"Hello ?"
"Oink oink."
"I'm sorry, can you speak louder ?"
"Oink ! Oink oink oink, oink oink oink !"

The phone went dead.

I tried to call back, but the phone kept on crackling. . .

Swine Flu !

I bet you were wondering how long it would be before I made a post on the cause of the end of humanity - swine flu.

Well, here is the post on the illness that is all around the news, wherever you look. All the coverage it is getting is making me pig sick (sorry).

Personally, I think people don't really have the illness; I think they're just telling porkies !

If anyone does actually have Swine Flu, you should apply plenty of oinkment. Be warned, this is really a aporkolypse !

DJ Talent !

On Saturday, I watched Britain's Got Talent !, a talent show dedicated to finding Britain's brightest talent, and then giving them the chance to perform at the Royal Variety Performance in front of the Queen.

One person on the show who stood out for me was rapper Anthony Ghoosh, aka DJ Talent. He said his rap would "blow the show to pieces", and it certainly did!

When I say Britain’s, you say talent! Britain’s got talent… it’s the DJ Talent!
When I say Britain’s, you say talent! Britain’s got talent… it’s the DJ Talent!
When I say Britain’s, you say talent! Britain’s got talent… it’s the DJ Talent!
When I say Britain’s, you say talent! Britain’s got talent… it’s the DJ Talent!

Right, you get the picture of what he was singing. It was very poor, but catchy.

So after the rap, he invited Kelly Brook to dinner, with Simon Cowell accepting the invitation on behalf of Brook. Here, on Mr. Satire's blog, we have the full story of where Ghoosh took her and what happened. . .

Ghoosh rang her up, as agreed beforehand, at 7pm. Brook was expecting something classy, despite the offer of chicken and salad. When Brook answered the phone, Ghoosh went into his rendition:

"When I say Britain’s, you say talent! Britain’s got talent… it’s the DJ Talent!"
"Look, Anthony, I wanted a free meal. please don't mess about. I don't want any unwanted media attention, " said Kelly.
"Sorry Kelly !"

When Anthony announced on the phone that the dream meal he had promised had to be cancelled due to his £7,000 teeth falling out, our Britain's Got Talent judge wasn't happy, to say the least.

"What do you mean, you can't make it ?!" Brook screeched.
"Well, I had a can of coke and the acid reacted with my gold teeth, which my mate down the pub said were in fact plastic, and they've melted."

Anthony Goosh, ready for his dream date, was cruelly given a harsh blow when Brook slammed the phone down. It's a hard life being a rapper on a talent show. . .

Romanian Rugby Fight !

Normally, a match between two rivals may end in a few bruises, a cut lip or some minor injury. This rugby match between Dinamo Bucaresti and Farul Constata, however, turned into a full-scale brawl, as you can see in the picture to the left.

The trouble erupted after a scrum next to Bucaresti's posts, but the brawl spread around the whole pitch, with nearly every player getting involved.

The Romanian Rugby Federation suspended two Farul players and seven from Dinamo for between seven and ten games. The Farul president and a club coach were also penalised, along with the Dinamo trainer.

The pansies in England, who claim to have the roughest and toughest rivalries in the world, can no longer do so following this fight.

If you would like to see the fight, the link is here.

A Disaster Waiting To Happen. . .

Talksport Radio are currently closing in on a deal that will see Russell Brand and Noel Gallagher have a regular show on the station dedicated to football banter.

Ofcom, get ready now. . .