Holiday Complaints !

From the Daily Telegraph:

I present 20 of the most ridiculous complaints made by holidaymakers to their travel agent, taken from research by Thomas Cook and ABTA.

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The beach was too sandy."

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

Is This Really Harry Hill ???

I would hate to be a celebrity - idiots clamouring for autographs, weird stalkers perving on you at any time of the day.

Oh, I am sure glad I'm not a celeb, but if I was I don't think I would go to such extremes that Harry Hill went to recently to avoid his fans. As you can see in the photo on the left, Hill was spotted with a beard, cap and iPod walking his fox terriers, Ruby and Albert, in Battersea Park, South London.

Most fans, including myself, will know that on his Saturday evening show, in which he spots flaws in television shows, he wears a suit with his oversized collars and pinstripe suit.

So why the sudden transformation, Harry ? You have won a large army of fans with your unique television show, you have won numerous awards for your work and you haven't had any kind of controversy that warrants that kind of camouflage.

If anyone can think of any reasons, please make a comment.

Thankyou,

Mr. Satire.

Film Review: The Man Who Knew Too Little

Last night, on Film 4, I decided to watch a film (like you do on that channel). What was on ? The Man Who Knew Too Little, a film, according to the Info button, that was about spies and comedy.

"That sounds alright to me" I said, but as no-one was in the room, it sounded like I was talking to myself. In my opinion, there's nothing better than putting your feet up and watching some spy use the latest gadgets to defeat evil, twisted enemies.

How wrong I was, however. This film was very poor, it had a limp plot, a pathetic script and gags that would have made even the corniest of comedians cringe. Despite the cast that included household names like Bill Murray, Richard Wilson and other famous actors, this film was really quite poor.

The flimsy plot about Bill Murray playing a clueless American who goes on holiday to England, only to be abducted by Russian spies with dodgy accents was poor. One of the spies, Uri, (who some of you may recognize as Minty from Eastenders) sported an accent that was absolutely dreadful. Making a broad Cockney play a KGB spy wasn't a great move from the directors, in my opinion.

My favourite line in the play was when Murray, playing Wallace Ritchie, asked whether he would try and trick the Russian spies into giving him over £3m, replied "I can't act."

Bill, you stole the words from our mouth . . .

Hello Everyone !

Hello, and welcome to my new blog, Mr. Satire ! In this blog you will read posts from me reviewing various films, with my unique brand of scrutiny on it ! Nothing, and I repeat nothing, will escape my clutches as I aim to make this a blog that will go down in history as one of the funniest in history.

Now, folks, by the time you read this, I will be making my next post about a film I saw last night.

Bye !